Yea girl u know I like to see ya shake that thing. What is that thing anyway. Got big claws like a lobster and it keeps whispering “n o t h i n g c a n s a v e y o u n o w” to me lol. Shake it. damn
(via reallyreallyreallytrying)
About
I am still not clear on whether there is a time or a place for tumblr, but I don't want to end up like one of those elderly people who are surprised when they stop getting analog television signals, then feel baffled and cheated at having to buy digital receiver equipment to watch Australian Story.
So here I am.
So here I am.
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(via punkrockmomjeans, xxx1990)
This guy is breaking the first rule of living in Australia. You should never stick your fingers in things, and if you absolutely have to, you should turn it upside down and shake it first, to see if any spiders fall out. Lovers are not omitted from this policy.
(via punkrockmomjeans)
I really need to quit fucking smoking, but I’m far too busy sitting in my house by myself all day, making this face and dissecting my life in a pitiful spiral of depressive, self-centred obsession. I never get like this! I’m so constitutionally chipper! The chipperest! My usual self-image is piece of firm, ripe fruit with two of those big googly eyes stuck on it and a smiley mouth drawn on in red texta. Currently I feel more like a small nugget of gravel that’s inexplicably shaped like a hand flipping the bird.
I’m supposed to be doing so much stuff, and instead I’m just sitting here like a crusty, bacteria-infested dish sponge. Everyone’s like ‘eww’ and would rather open a new pack of sponges than reconstitute me and see what kind of slime seeps out. Even though they’re wearing rubber gloves.
WITHOUT looking like Grace Jones?? Where are you going with this, I don’t understand.
(via reallyreallyreallytrying)
Last night a possum broke into a bakery and ate so many pastries he couldn’t move, this is how they found him this morning. I love Australia
(via fancybidet)
Fuck, this is the most obscenely miserable television show in history. I mean, it’s painstakingly engineered to make you feel worthless and alone. Every character in the show has the same narcissistic-depressive delusion that they’re the ‘asshole at the centre of the universe’, and you KNOW that, you can see it in this exchange, but you still care about them. The end result of watching SFU for me is a mixture of ennui, sadness, and empathy, glazed with this sense of guilt that I find all these awful characters so relatable.
God damn it Brenda, the reason you have no friends is BECAUSE YOU SPEND ALL YOUR FREE TIME TALKING TO BILLY
TINY MARINE LIFE OH MY GOD TINY MARINE LIFE.
Aaarghhh tiny octopus oh god. Every time I see a cute tiny animal I immediately wish I could use my own reproductive system to create more of them. I have no idea how octopuses reproduce, so I guess I’ll just lay an egg and wait till a daddy octopus comes and sits on it. That’s how it works, right?
(Source: rainbowbuttcake)
I am writing an essay that attempts to draw parallels between Victorian masturbation anxiety and the contemporary moral panic about childhood obesity.
GENDER STUDIESSSSSSSSSSSS
People have been doing this to me all the time recently. In some ways it’s actually better than more thought-out, sophisticated methods of comforting, because it reminds me that everyone is weird and has no idea what to do with their feelings.
(Source: hotwaterandmilk)
I taught Caitrin how to make chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know where she picked up the housewifey pep.
Asked by Anonymous
I have creepy internet folk of my very own?! Nah I guess I’m just not a very good blogger. Don’t have high expectations and you won’t be disappointed by my flakiness and lack of follow-through! Oh I am a fail.
- Host: What would you like for dinner? I could make tapas, pork belly, spaghetti ...
- Me: I like food
- Host: Okay, would you like pork belly?
- Me: I like food
- Host: Okay, I'll make some--
- Me: I LIKE FOOD
